Bass Nation

I try to browse my local craigslist musicians ads all the time just to see who’s out there and what’s going on with the local music scene. Last night I found a posting that was so funny I almost peed my pants. Here it is:

Fat Groove Drummer Seeks non-Retards (Walnut Creep)

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Reply to: comm-dgn3n-1220545234@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-06-13, 8:48PM PDT

Hey there; i’m an adult (aka “over 30″) who wants to find musicians who are not egomaniacal, strangely self-absorbed in their inflexible, hateful lame-ass unlistenable originals no one will ever buy a drink long enough to painfully absorb and if so, have nightmares about, and hopefully, people with chops who will sacrifice all things for music that has soul and danceability–even if its frigging metal, do you know how to groove it? Does James Brown have a place in your heart–even though you might also have a marshall stack, or a girlfriend who’s stacked, or a stack of money, or a smoke stack? WTF? I don’t know. All i can say is, getting into a band with people who don’t suck is like trying to date a hot girl and not expecting her to be freakishly stupid or intensely high maintenence. Why is this? I dont’ know. I guess people only evolve when nobody is looking. So if you are in it to get laid, and you suck, then good luck; if you understand dynamics, have a singer who is a singer and not a guy imitating a singer (especially guys who imitate like, Jack Johnson, who in my opinion, fucking blows), and i dunno, if you have a bunch of nymphomaniac rich girlfriends who hang out with all their friends and take shitloads of X and dance naked, oh shoot, now i forgot the question. Anyway, i am a trained drummer (trained to go in the box, trained to hate loud fucking guitarists, and paid money to go to music school and learn to read music which i probably should have saved for stuff like rent); i am also funny, unstupid, and have a recording thing that lets me record stuff, like, with really good microphones i have.

influences: Primus, Police, Public enemy, James brown, Soundgarden, The Who, The Replacements, Foo Fighters, The Jackson 5, The supremes, Rage Against the Machine, and the chick in the front row with the hot rack who keeps looking at me in a way that make me pretend I don’t notice.

Assholes encouraged to apply; retards, sure, because, if you are a retard, you don’t know it, so go for it; but really, if you want to just “get together and jam”, i will mock you and pretend i’m coming and then NOT come because you are a fucking hippie and must die.

• Location: Walnut Creep
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests