I try to browse my local craigslist musicians ads all the time just to see who’s out there and what’s going on with the local music scene. Last night I found a posting that was so funny I almost peed my pants. Here it is:
Reply to: comm-dgn3n-1220545234@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-06-13, 8:48PM PDT
Hey there; i’m an adult (aka “over 30″) who wants to find musicians who are not egomaniacal, strangely self-absorbed in their inflexible, hateful lame-ass unlistenable originals no one will ever buy a drink long enough to painfully absorb and if so, have nightmares about, and hopefully, people with chops who will sacrifice all things for music that has soul and danceability–even if its frigging metal, do you know how to groove it? Does James Brown have a place in your heart–even though you might also have a marshall stack, or a girlfriend who’s stacked, or a stack of money, or a smoke stack? WTF? I don’t know. All i can say is, getting into a band with people who don’t suck is like trying to date a hot girl and not expecting her to be freakishly stupid or intensely high maintenence. Why is this? I dont’ know. I guess people only evolve when nobody is looking. So if you are in it to get laid, and you suck, then good luck; if you understand dynamics, have a singer who is a singer and not a guy imitating a singer (especially guys who imitate like, Jack Johnson, who in my opinion, fucking blows), and i dunno, if you have a bunch of nymphomaniac rich girlfriends who hang out with all their friends and take shitloads of X and dance naked, oh shoot, now i forgot the question. Anyway, i am a trained drummer (trained to go in the box, trained to hate loud fucking guitarists, and paid money to go to music school and learn to read music which i probably should have saved for stuff like rent); i am also funny, unstupid, and have a recording thing that lets me record stuff, like, with really good microphones i have.
influences: Primus, Police, Public enemy, James brown, Soundgarden, The Who, The Replacements, Foo Fighters, The Jackson 5, The supremes, Rage Against the Machine, and the chick in the front row with the hot rack who keeps looking at me in a way that make me pretend I don’t notice.
Assholes encouraged to apply; retards, sure, because, if you are a retard, you don’t know it, so go for it; but really, if you want to just “get together and jam”, i will mock you and pretend i’m coming and then NOT come because you are a fucking hippie and must die.
Location: Walnut Creep
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Although I’ve started several bands, apparently I’ve never done it right. But now, thanks to the great correspondent’s course from the University of Andy, I know how to start one:
The University of Andy is the best place to learn this and other valuable life skills such as surviving a bear attack and holding your liquor. Andy Botwin is a brilliant educator.
I know, it’s been ages since I’ve posted anything here. Life has been rather hectic as of late. In fact, until last night I hadn’t picked up a bass in several weeks. I’ve written before about the local Thursday night jam session in my town. I haven’t attended in a long time. Besides being somewhat bored by the standard blues rock fare, I’ve been really busy on Thursday nights. First it was the Opeth show which completely rocked my world. Then I was recovering from some minor surgery. Then we were having a really tough day with the kid and I just couldn’t deal with other people after we finally got her to bed. Plus thre’s something like 3 other bassists who have been going and from what I hear they’ve all been playing at once. Four would just be ridiculous!
So that led me to organizing my own night at the studio. I took out an ad on craigslist looking for people who are into playing hard prog rock and got three solid responses. One guy played sax, drums and theramin, one played guitar, and the other played keys, guitar, bass and drums. All of us were really into King Crimson, and we busted it out last night. After some aimless noodling, we gave Red a try and it really came together after a while. It’s a tough song with a lot of parts, and I got most of the parts down but definitely need work on the opening riff and figuring out where each one starts. We also did a sick 21st Century SchitzoidMan jam, One More Red Nightmare, and a half assed attempt at Thela Hun Gingeet. We did Shine on You Crazy Diamond. We did Tom Sawyer that went into a pretty sick jam, and some freeform stuff that the sax player referred to as being rather quaalude-y.
For the most part, I played the electric upright. At one point I picked up my Fender and the guitarist said I should keep playing the upright since it creates such a different sound. I got a really killer tone from it last night too. At the other jams, I’d been going for more of a standard thumping low sustain upright bass tone, but last night I cranked up the gain, sustain and the lows and it was nice and fuzzy. The more I play that thing, the less I want to play my Fender, and I love that Fender!
I was so pumped from playing I could barely sleep when I got home. I kept tossing and turning with those riffs going through my head. I can’t wait to do it again next week.
